Getting old


Duke of Edinburgh

Let’s thumb our noses 


If you are as fed up with doctors and nurses lumping you in the ‘talk slowly and don’t tell them anything because they are over 60’ category, the Duke of Edinburgh had the answer – go and be treated at King Edward VII hospital.

Sadly, it’s in London;  it’s private (although if you were in the armed forces or forces’ family you might qualify for reductions), and it only has  a few beds.  But it has a Matron, and she seems the old-fashioned sort whose patients come first.

But for those of us who are fed up with the patronising stare we get when we try and ask intelligent questions (you see them thinking where did she find this out?), the following song, sung to the Julie Andrew’s hit ‘My favourite things’ from Sound of Music, might give some light relief:

Botox and nose drops and needles for knitting,
Walkers and handrails and new dental fittings,
Bundles of magazines tied up in string,
These are a few of my favourite things.

Cadillacs and cataracts, hearing aids and glasses,
Polident and Fixodent and false teeth in glasses,
Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings,
These are a few of my favourite things.

When the pipes leak, When the bones creak,
When the knees go bad,                                                                                                                                                                                                       I simply remember my favourite things,
And then I don’t feel so bad.

Hot tea and crumpets and corn pads for bunions,
No spicy hot food or food cooked with onions,
Bathrobes and heating pads and hot meals they bring,
These are a few of my favourite things…

Back pain, confused brains and no need for sinnin’,
Thin bones and fractures and hair that is thinnin’,
And we won’t mention our short shrunken frames,
When we remember our favourite things.

When the joints ache, When the hips break,
When the eyes grow dim,
Then I remember the great life I’ve had,
And then I don’t feel so bad.

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