Tut Tut – things are hotting up around the Health Bill

MAD HATTER TEA PARTY

 

POLITICS ARE BACK

 

One way and another it’s been a pretty miserable start to the year.

Dave the Dormouse upset the nurses.

Now, somebody should tell him that whatever you think, you never criticise nurses out loud.  It isn’t polite.  What’s more, it’s political suicide.  Remember, the NHS is the biggest employer in Britain; so that’s a lot of votes.

The Mad Hatter (aka La La) wasn’t much help either – he flapped around behind the scenes, tripping over his health bill, and trying to avoid the angry nurses who turned up with bedpans outside his home  (aka known as Richmond Towers) for the end of Bevan’s March.

If you want to know what’s happening to this Health Bill,  try to contact  the Future Fandango (a.k.a  Steve Field’s Future Forum set up by Dave to deflect criticism);  you can’t.  He seems to have been taught at the same school as Dave and La La – and  has no manners either.  i.e neither he nor his ‘team’ bothers to answer questions from patients (they obviously aren’t important in the Health Bill scheme of things).

nhsmanagers.net calls the Bill  ‘the Future Fandango’s second phase report’ and says it deals, in part, with integration and was a re-run of the Nuff-King’s report of the previous week.  The Mad Hatter has proudly come up with  gems such as :

“Providers need to be able to work with each other to improve care”. 

Now I know why I don’t get the right care – no-one’s working with each other.

And…. “the NHS needs a decent IT system to share data”.

What a flash of genius!  Obviously came out of deliberations around the Tea Table (a.k.a Cabinet meeting).

Field is proving a worthy guest at the Tea Party, as his seventy-strong army (there are two pages of pictures of them all at the beginning of the Future Fandango report) proceeded to upset all the clinicians by telling them to

‘make every ‘contact count’.

Actually someone has sussed out that all those ‘meetings’ they are in whenever you phone, actually don’t say anything at all – so now they must be made to count!  Otherwise nasty journalists will use Freedom of Information Act to ask intrusive  questions such as “what has been discussed?”  (Mad Hatter is apparently scrabbling around trying to use fading ink to write up minutes).

And of course, doctors will have plenty of time (if they look up from their computer keyboard) to make contacts with patients count, and take some of their ten minute appointment time to lecture them about healthy eating. You go in to talk to your GP about nausea from your drugs, and you are given a chat about how important it is to eat healthily.  Not much use, when the only thing you can eat at the tea table seems to be scones – but you can keep these down so that could be why they are provided.

There’s stuff about the governance of LETBs and HEE.  Yet more NHS-speak.  And talking of NHS-soeak, do you know that those trendy GP surgeries now call Receptionists?

  ‘Navigators‘!   No, I can’t see sense in name-change either.  But they sure as anything are annoying the hxxl out of those who went to the USA to take the medical qualification to be a Navigator (and it’s not do with reception – rather how to help patients negotiate the cancer treatment minefield).

Field’s report mentions ‘education‘.  Didn’t someone called Blair put his foot in it by repeating this word?  So does this mean nurses being taught how to give a blanket bath?  Or that you have to bend down and push a cloth – it won’t clean up sick  on its own?

Or does it mean nurses will be taught how to place the right tick in the righ boxes, so journalists like me can’t go through reports and find holes.

If I were working for the Care Quality Commission, I would use my employer’s time to send round CVs to recruitment agencies.  The government has pledged that  patient experience of integrated care will be measured as part of the Outcomes Framework.   All part of the CQC’s remit.  So as they have been given something specific to do – must mean they are about to be made redundant.

Future Forum hides down a hole

Set up by Dave the Dormouse to deflect anger over Health Bill,  Steve Field and his Future Forum seem to have disappeared down the White Rabbit’s hole.

Key in NHS Future Forum into Google, and up come pages of articles by eminent journalists,  pointing out where La La and the rest of Wonderland have gone wrong.  But the actual website has done a disappearing act.  Probably down at No. 1,000,000 where it belongs.  No wonder I am still waiting six months after sending in a question.

So following Alice’s example, I start to ask questions.  The DH Press Office isn’t too happy, and does their usual “give me your question and we will reply” (this can take three months).  I insist.  Finally am given a very long web address to take me to the Future Forum site.

Of course that doesn’t work, but I cobble together info and come up with www.dh.gov.uk

Then in Search window write in Future Forum.  It’s works – but can’t say I am any the wiser.

DH are so overworked they are using our money to hire Freud Communications (run by Murdoch’s son-in-law).  So I go on their website to find out what’s happening in La La land, only to find they are so secretive they don’t post a single contact’s email address.

Alice – we need you to ask questions!   But you are going to need an appointment with the doctor to deal with massive headaches once the Tea Party is over.

 

 

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