La La's latest ideas to reform the NHS

Or how the Coalition

keeps paper companies

in business


One wonders what Soviet 5-year plan s La La Lansley has in mind, when he broods in his ivory tower?

Obviously the idea of production line medical care is uppermost in his mind, and production lines, of course, found great  favour with the Stalinist  elite.

La La’s latest ‘brilliant’ idea is to plug in patients with chronic conditions to a high-tech IT system, and monitor them at a distance.   So doctors will have even less contact with real people.

And elderly patients, probably living alone, not seeing anyone from day to day, week on week, won’t even have an outing when they toddle round to see the Practice Nurse.  Instead they will press a button; all their data will go off down a cold line – with no-one seeming to care about them.

Just what the new NHS wants – no human contact.  Instead of a smile from a friendly nurse, data can be read off a screen – thus enabling medics to practice at a distance from their patients.

This ‘plan’ is estimated to cost £1.2 billion year.

What’s wrong with District Nurses?

If the NHS can find that amount  of money for distant medicine, why can’t it find the same amount and invest in more District Nurses?

£1.2 billion could fund a vast army of them, and a cheerful person coming to visit an elderly person once a week will ensure they aren’t forgotten.  At the same time a pair of human eyes will be able to suss out if a patient is getting adequate nourishment; if their environment is clean; or if they are neglecting themselves.  Which a machine can’t do.  Dsitrict Nurses are a core of medicine abroad, and most Europeans are paying roughly the same amount as we do for medical care.

More bright ideas

If ‘care at a distance’ doesn’t get you scratching your head – La La has come up with an even more cunning plan :  his 60-step-plan-to-restore-faith-in-the-NHS.

Doesn’t this smack of the tractor production lines that produced thousands of machines which were designed by committee – and never worked?

Having said the Coalition were abolishing targets and paperwork, La  La is now promising “new goals for hospitals based on quality of service for patients”.

Can’t you just see the extra tick boxes, forms etc. nurses are going to have to fill in to reach these goals?

60 steps

Someone – or several people – is going to have to ask patients 60 questions.  La La, in his Mad Hatter mode, obviously thinks these will present themselves out of thin air;  we know better.

  1. Premature Death – relatives will be asked 21 questions
  2. Quality of Life for people with long-term conditions – This time 14 questions
  3. Helping People Recover after ill-health or injury – 9 questions
  4. Patient Experience  –  8 questions
  5. Treating people safely – ah yes!  Elf ‘n Safety has to play a part asking 7 questions

La La doesn’t seem to understand that TLC from a human is some of the best medicine to be had.  Instead, he follows the previous Government’s mantra of  ‘evidence’, and one can see the paper mountain this is going to create.

Of all the questions in the table above, one wants to ask Shouldn’t hospital treatment be addressing these anyway?

Well – at least now we know La La’s latest ideas to reform the NHS.  Am I alone in wishing he and the Dept. of Health would just leave the NHS alone to get on with its job?

One thought on “La La's latest ideas to reform the NHS

  1. Andrey Bogdan December 18, 2011 at 9:26 pm Reply

    NHS doesn’t like changes? Yes, changes with bring News and they don’t want it. “Patients are the greatest money resource that we have and we should keep it untouchable” For NHS stuff everything is clear and they are all following prescription that is written before. Like a theatre but we are all participants in this performance. NHS doesn’t have time for ill people any more. Baroness and Ms Coulter are in collusion. Prof. Sir Mike Richards, Prof. Steve Field and Dr. Frank Atherton, President of the Assn. of Directors of Public Health are all reading mantras ;).

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