What is actually written in our notes

cartoon24Ever wondered why you aren’t getting better?

Do doctor’s raise their eyebrows when they read your Notes?

Some examples of notes in a Glasgow hospital might explain

Medical or ‘double speak’.

  • Patient has left her white blood cells at another hospital
  • Patient’s medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.

4. She has no rigours or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

6. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.

7.  The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

9. Discharge status:- Alive, but without my permission.

10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert, but forgetful.

11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

12. She is numb from her toes down.

13. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

14. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

15. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce.

16.  The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

17. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

18. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities

19. The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of fuel and crashed.

20. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.

21. She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.

22. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Smith, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.

23. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stock broker instead.

24. By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.

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